Many of us find it difficult to say no to our colleagues. Will it harm our professional relationships? Or make us look like we aren’t team players?
The saying “no is a complete sentence” might sound straightforward, but it’s not as easy to apply in a professional setting when maintaining good relationships is key. Understandably, many of us can feel guilty for saying no in the workplace.
However, it’s crucial to remember that being able to turn down extra tasks or invitations is as important as any other professional skill. Accepting more work than we can handle harms our productivity and can take a toll on our wellbeing. That’s why it’s key to know our limits. When we’re close to reaching our capacity, that’s when we need the confidence to say no.
In this article, I’ll cover three situations you might find yourself in at work where you would be justified in saying no to a colleague. It is possible to say no at work without feeling guilty. On the contrary, it should be an empowering action that improves your work life and strengthens the trust within your team.
Contents 1. The Professional Decline: How to Say No to Work-related Requests - Assess the Work Request - Communicate your Decision to Decline - Offer Suitable Alternatives 2. The Personal Boundary: How to Refuse Personal Favours for Colleagues - Understanding the Implications of Favours in the Workplace - Saying No with Politeness and Professionalism 3. The Social Diplomat: How to Say No to Social Invites at Work - Assess the Importance of the Event - Communicate your Absence with Appreciation Summary
The Professional Decline:
How to Say No to Work-Related Requests
1. Assess the Work Request
Never make a decision before you assess the request. Always respond with: 'let me check my workload before I get back to you about that'.
When a colleague comes to you with a request for help, it’s natural to want to lend a hand. But before you say yes or no, take the time to really understand what’s being asked of you.
What is the nature of the task? Is it a five-minute favour or a five-hour project? Knowing exactly what the request entails is the first step in making an informed decision.
Once you’ve got a handle on what’s being asked, it’s time to look at your own to-do list. We all have our duties and responsibilities and, often, we’re juggling multiple projects at once.
Ask yourself honestly: Can I take this on without sacrificing the quality of my work or my commitments? If your plate is already full, adding more to it isn’t going to do you or your colleague any favours.
Taking the time to properly assess both the request and your current workload will give you the clarity you need to make the right choice – not just for you, but for the team as a whole.
2. Communicate Your Decision to Decline
Always keep your communication positive and effective by focusing on the importance of your colleague's request rather than your own workload. Emphasise that their request deserves proper attention which you currently don't have the resource to give.
After assessing the work request, you may find that you don’t have the time to take on the extra work. Now it’s time to communicate that to your colleague.
Telling a colleague you can’t help them isn’t always easy, but it’s a part of maintaining a balanced workload. The key is to be honest and direct, while still being professional and empathetic.
Start by acknowledging the request and the fact that you’ve given it proper consideration. This shows respect for your colleague’s needs. When you convey your decision, be sure to give enough context so your colleague understands your reasons.
For example, you could say, “I’ve looked at my schedule for this week. With my current project deadlines, I won’t be able to dedicate the time needed to give this task the attention it deserves.”
It’s not necessary to give a long explanation or to share your entire to-do list. A brief insight into your workload is enough.
Make sure that you don’t make it about yourself when you respond. A poor response would look something like, “I’m swamped right now and I can’t deal with anyone else’s stuff at the moment.”
This makes it look like you haven’t taken the time to consider the request or that you consider everyone else’s ‘stuff’ to be less important than your own tasks.
Ensure that your colleague feels heard and that you’ve provided a clear and honest response.
3. Offer Suitable Alternatives
Follow up your decline with 1-2 alternative options for your colleague to consider. This shows that you have taken time to consider their needs and that you are still supporting them - despite not being able to fulfil the request.
When you need to say no to a request, it doesn’t mean that you have to leave your colleague in the lurch. A constructive approach is to follow up with 1-2 suitable alternatives.
If you know someone who has the required skills and a lighter workload, you might say, “I’m not the best person to help with this right now, but have you considered asking [Colleague’s Name]? They’ve completed similar tasks to a high standard.”
Alternatively, if you’re aware of any tools, templates or resources that could help your colleague manage the task on their own, point them in that direction.
You could say, “I can’t commit to assisting at the moment, but I came across this guide the other day that might have just the information you’re looking for.”
Offering alternatives shows that you are still keen to be helpful without overcommitting yourself. It demonstrates that you are supporting your colleagues even when you can’t directly contribute.
Personally, I also find that this helps immensely with reducing my feelings of guilt when I have to say no to a colleague. It doesn’t take much effort to spend 5-10 minutes looking into some suitable alternatives to be able to offer to your colleague when saying no to their request.
The Personal Boundary:
How to Refuse Personal Favours for Colleagues
1. Understanding the Implications of Favours in the Workplace
One-off personal favours can carry the risk of becoming long-term commitments. Once you say yes it can be extremely difficult to say no to the same request afterwards.
Offering a favour to a colleague – such as a ride to the office – can often lead to an unspoken expectation that this might become a regular occurrence. It’s critical to acknowledge that once you’ve set a precedent by saying ‘yes’, it can become increasingly difficult to say no in the future.
This doesn’t mean you should never help out a colleague in need, but it does mean that you should consider the long-term implications of what you agree to.
I have seen so many cases of harboured resentment in the office that stem from one colleague feeling like another has taken advantage of them, following an initial favour that should have been a one-off.
In those cases, it always came down to a clash of expectations. The person benefitting from an arrangement might have no idea that their colleague is reluctant to continue with it, and because it has been going on for so long their colleague might feel awkward about suddenly saying no.
When you’re faced with a personal request, take some time to reflect on whether it’s a one-time favour you’re offering or if it might become an ongoing commitment.
If it’s the latter, think about whether this is manageable and if it aligns with your personal boundaries. Being empathetic is valuable – but it should never come at the cost of your own time, resources and happiness.
2. Saying No with Politeness and Professionalism
Keep your response polite but firm. A vague response could make it sound like you'd be open to saying yes in the future. All that will do is create further discomfort for you the next time you're asked, and false hope for your colleague.
When the moment arrives to decline a personal favour – such as giving your colleague a lift to work – the manner in which you communicate your decision will make all the difference. You want to ensure that you say no without hurting your colleague’s feelings or causing any offence.
One effective strategy is to keep your refusal simple and direct, without leaving much room for misinterpretation or false hope that you might change your mind in the future.
For instance, you might say, “I understand getting to work can be a challenge, and I’m glad I could help out this time. However, I wouldn’t be able to make this a regular thing due to other commitments in my schedule before work.”
It’s also important to maintain a warm tone and body language during the conversation, which will emphasise that your refusal is not personal but purely a matter of circumstance. There’s no need to over-explain or justify your reasons with lengthy excuses – just keep it brief and honest.
Above all, express your refusal with the same professionalism and courtesy that you would like to be shown in a similar situation. This helps to ensure that the relationship remains cordial and that your colleague understands your position is not one of unwillingness to help, but rather a decision made with consideration of your own limits and responsibilities.
The Social Diplomat:
How to Say No to Social Invites at Work
1. Assess the Importance of the Event
Always consider the type of event and the impact your absence might have. A farewell party for a colleague that you've worked with for years will carry a different weight to casual drinks after work on a Friday.
When an invitation lands in your inbox or on your desk, take a moment to consider the context. Is it a celebratory event, like a colleague’s farewell or a project completion gathering? These occasions can be integral to team morale, and your attendance might contribute more to the team’s dynamics than you realise.
On the other hand, routine social events such as regular after-work drinks will not carry the same weight. For these more casual invitations, your absence is less likely to be felt. People understand that not everyone will make it to casual outing outside of working hours, so it’s acceptable to decline these invites.
Consider, too, the frequency of the events that you are being invited to. If you’ve attended several lately, missing one might not be noteworthy. However, if you’ve been absent from the last few events, then it might be worth attending the next one to avoid giving the impression of disengagement from the team.
Another aspect to consider is who is extending the invitation. An invite from a supervisor or direct report might warrant different considerations than one from someone outside of your team. The former could be a signal of a desire to strengthen the working relationship by strengthening social ties.
2. Communicate your Absence with Appreciation
The key to declining a social invitation is to do so in a way that doesn't put people off from inviting you to future events. While you might not want to attend this particular event, you might find it in your best interests to attend a future one - so keep those doors open.
When you need to convey that you won’t be attending an event, it’s important to do so in a way that doesn’t close the door to future gatherings.
Start by expressing gratitude for the invitation and provide a brief reason around the circumstances.
For example, you could say, “Thank you for including me in the dinner plans – I’ve heard that restaurant is amazing and I would love to have been able to attend. Unfortunately, I have other commitments that I can’t move around that evening.”
If you know that your absence may be disappointing to the host or attendees, adding some personal details can make a huge difference. Consider briefly explaining – without over-sharing – why you need to decline.
You could say, “Thank you so much for inviting me – I’ve been looking forward to catching up with everyone, but I’ve already promised my time to my sister’s birthday celebration that evening.”
To mitigate against any sense of rejection, it can be beneficial to suggest an alternative time to connect with the person extending the invite. “Although I’ll have to miss out on this one, I’d love to get a catch up with you over lunch next week.”
This keeps the door open for future interactions and reinforces your role as a collaborative and sociable member of the team, even when you’re not able to be present.
Summary
Being able to say no in the workplace without feeling guilty is a vital skill that safeguards your productivity and wellbeing.
Always take the time to assess any work requests against your current commitments and priorities. Then, if you need to decline, this should be communicated clearly and in a way that shows respect and empathy to your colleague’s situation.
Whether you’re addressing work-related requests, personal favours or social invitations, the steps to follow should always be:
- Assess the request
- Deliver your decision positively
- Demonstrate consideration for your colleague’s needs
This approach not only maintains professional relationships but also reinforces a culture of mutual respect and transparency.
The most important thing is to remember that there’s no need for guilt when setting boundaries. Saying no is a sign of self-respect and a commitment to the quality of your work.
As we navigate the art of saying no in the workplace, it’s crucial to remember that setting boundaries is key to professional behaviour and personal wellbeing. This isn’t limited to the occasional lift to work or assisting with tasks. It extends to all aspects of work-life balance - including how we manage work communications during our personal time. For a deeper dive into maintaining these boundaries, particularly during holidays, you may find my article Work Emails on Holiday: Why You Need Professional Boundaries useful.